Wow. I need to apologize. I haven’t blogged in a really long time. I’m really sorry.
Well, I guess I should actually give you a post instead of just apologizing. :)
For this post, I decided to post a little story I once wrote about Purim.
(It’s not that good, especially because I wrote it a while ago…)
Here it is:
Caught Red Handed
Mrs. Pizzaberry sighed as Sruli, Dovid and Binyamin marched into the kitchen, and the door slammed shut behind them. Their faces were flushed and their identical blue t-shirts stuck to them, as a result from working in the hot sun.
“We’re almost finished”, Sruli said, reaching for a plastic cup. He pulled the refrigerator door open and pulled out the orange juice bottle. Pouring himself a cup, he mumbled a bracha, and gulped it down.
Dovid and Binyamin poured themselves drinks, before grabbing a bag of chips and bounding towards the front door.
“Boys”, Mrs. Pizzaberry said, frowning as she picked up the empty cups that had fallen on to the tile floor. “Why don’t you take a little break so we can discuss Purim costumes? Purim is coming and we still don’t have anything.”
“But Ma, we’re in middle of building our tree house!”, Binyamin exclaimed, pointing towards the window facing the yard to prove his point.
“Purim is like 56 million years away!”, said Dovid letting go of the door handle.
“Ma, why don’t they dress up as workers? Then they can build their tree house on Purim!” said Rikky, coming into the kitchen. “All they need is a hat, a hammer, an apron, and their done!”
“No!” Sruli exclaimed, plopping down on a stool. “I am not dressing up like a worker for Purim! It’s so… babyish! Only little kids wear those costumes.”
“Sorry”, Rikky said, a hint of a smile appearing on her face. “I was just trying to help.”
“Well boys, since you are already taking a break, we might as well discuss costumes”, said Mrs. Pizzaberry, sighing as she sat down on the stool beside Sruli.
“Penina and Esther, come down! We’re choosing Purim costumes now!” Rikky called from the bottom of the carpeted staircase.
Penina and Esther came running down the stairs, panting as they sat down at the kitchen table. Before long, the Pizzaberrys were examining costumes online, searching for the perfect one. Suddenly, Penina had an idea.
“Guys, let’s all dress up like crayons and Tatty (father) or Mommy will be the crayon box!!” she said, glad to have been the first one to think of an idea like that.
“Ok, not a bad idea”, Rikky said. “I think it’s cute.”
“I love drawing, so it’s great with me too!”, Esther said, smiling at the thought of what her friends would think.
“Um… well, I guess it’s better than being a worker”, said Sruli, glaring at Rikky.
“It’s OK with me”, Dovid and Binyamin said at the same time.
“OK then, now let’s choose the colors. You shouldn’t be the same color crayon. Here, there are lots of colors.” Mrs. Pizzaberry said, peering at the computer screen. “There are purple, green, blue, red, orange, pink and yellow crayons. Choose and then you’re free to go.”
Meanwhile, in the home of Jason Cookiehorn….
“Hey Jason”, the voice on the other end of the line spoke quietly, almost in a whisper. “You hear me?”
“Yes, I hear very well Jerry”, Jason said putting his feet up on his office desk. “ Yes, it’s just me, alone, and not a soul in this world can hear this wonderful conversation that we are about to have. Except me and you of course!”, he continued , putting the phone on speaker and munching on some popcorn.
“Jason, this is not a time for jokes. This is serious business. You’re only getting paid if you do this job well from beginning to end”, Jerry said, serious as ever.
“Oh, money! I’m all ears!”, Jason said, opening his can of cherry coke.
“Jason, this is Jerry Roosterwall you’re talking to. I hope you know that”, Jerry said.
“Jerry, I wouldn’t think even if I were drunk that this isn’t you”, Jason said, taking a sip of cherry coke and flicking on his computer. “OK, I got stuff to do. Blurt it out.”
“Jason, today Mr. Pizzaberry walked into Gems for You and bought his wife a bracelet for her birthday. An expensive bracelet.”, Jerry said dramatically.
“Ok, what’s that got to do with me?”, Jason asked, jabbering away on the keys.
“As you may know, my anniversary is coming up and I need to get my wife Clara a gift. If you would steal that bracelet for me, I would give you $250.00. I have put much deliberation into this, and if you don’t do this, I would be happy to let you find another business partner.” Jerry concluded, before a click was heard.
Jason jumped up from his office chair, knocking over his can of coke. The mouse fell onto the floor with a small bang, and the plush green carpet got full of popcorn kernels and tiny pieces of popcorn.
Jason had worked with Jerry for 4 years now. He had done a lot for Jerry, but never before did he do something like this. On the other hand, Jerry paid pretty decent money and Jason wanted to continue working for him.
A few weeks later, back at the Pizzaberrys…
“Hey, Sruli, where are you going?” Dovid asked, as he put on his blue crayon hat.
“I’m going to the tree house for a minute and no, you can’t come with me.” Sruli replied yanking the door to their shared bedroom open.
“Ok, just be back before we go to megillah reading.” Dovid sighed as Sruli headed down the hall. “ And be careful not to step on the red floorboard!”
“I will!” Sruli called back, thinking of the floorboard they had painted red so that they wouldn’t step on the thin piece of wood that could collapse at any moment.
Little did he know that a surprise was waiting for him in the yard…
Jason nervously glanced at the house as he inched up the big oak tree in the Pizzaberrys yard. He was starting to regret this whole stealing business. It wasn’t like him to go steal a bracelet, even if he was getting paid for it.
He reached a little tree house, high up in the leaves. Pulling a little crate over to the side, he sat down in the corner of the tree house, and looked around as he waited to hear the sounds of the Pizzaberrys leaving the house. He noticed that the floorboard a little way behind him was painted red. Funny, he thought to himself , suddenly looking up to see a bright red crayon coming towards him. Putting his hand in his back pocket, Jason stood up.
Sruli stared at the man in front of him. Why was this guy here? What did he want?
“W… wha…what are you doing here?” Sruli stammered, attempting to appear as brave as possible.
Jason started shaking. He moved a step backwards.
“What is your name?” Sruli asked again, his confidence rising by the second.
“I never knew crayons could actually talk!” Jason said, trying to get out of the tree house.
“I asked you for your name.” Sruli said. “And I wouldn’t mind knowing why you are in my treehouse.”
Suddenly, Mr. Pizzaberry appeared. “Sruli! It’s time to go to megillah reading! We were looking all over- Sruli, who is this?” Mr. Pizzaberry asked, eyeing Jason.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Sruli said turning to his father.
Jason shrunk slowly into the corner of the tree house. He desperately needed to get out of here.
Mr. Pizzaberry whipped out his cell phone and dialed 911. He knew he would have to wait a while for the police to come, so he waited inside the tree house for them. About 27 minutes later, sirens were heard racing down the block. Mr. Pizzaberry quickly went down to explain the problem to them.
Jason was shrinking into the corner, and he stepped on the red floorboard. Suddenly, a loud CRACK was heard as Jason tumbled down from the tree house along with many branches and wood chips.
The policemen quickly handcuffed a protesting Jason, and led him into the Pizzaberrys home.
“Alright, young man. Tell us what happened”, Officer One said, nodding at Sruli.
“Well”, Sruli began, glancing at his father. “A few weeks ago I built this tree house with my brothers. I wanted to go up before we went to megillah reading and I saw him there. Then my father came up and we called you,” Sruli concluded, eyeing Jason.
“OK. You”, Officer Two said pointing at Jason. “What’s your name and what were you doing in the tree house.”
Jason buried his head in his palms. Picking up his head, he sighed before beginning his side of the story. ” My… my name is Jason Cookiehorn. I have a business partner. He helps me earn money. His anniversary is coming up and he… he bribed me to steal Mrs. Pizzaberry’s bracelet. I … I…,”, his voice trailed off as his head landed yet again in his hands.
“And who exactly is this business partner of yours?”, Officer One asked.
Jason sighed. “Jerry Roosterwall.”
The officers smiled. “Where does he live?”
“He lives at.. 1752 Burger St.”, Jason managed.
“Ok Jason. We’re being nice to you. If you promise not to deal with Jerry anymore, your free to go.”, Officer One said, un-cuffing Jason.
“I promise”, Jason mumbled, bounding out the door, before the officer could change his mind.
The Pizzaberrys got ready to leave to shul.
“One question before we go”, Officer Two said. “Why are you dressed up as crayons?”
Everyone laughed, and Mr. Pizzaberry quickly explained before they hopped in the car.
P.S. I have no idea why Jerry couldn’t buy the bracelet with the money, but I am not the same writer I was before, and Jason needed a considerable amount of money to be bribed into this.
Hope you enjoyed!