Between the Lines

March 11, 10:39 am

Lazerson, Penina

62 Charleswood Drive, Toronto, Canada

Dialing: Sima cell

 

… Hi Sima! Where are you now, sweetie? … The office just called me back. … You know, the place where I applied for that job. … I’m sorry, I thought I told you about it. I applied to be a secretary in a local real estate office. They just called back to tell me that I got the position! … I thought you’d be excited for me, sweetie. … Yes, I’m sure it’s coming as a surprise. … Well, since you’re leaving for Eretz Yisroel in a couple of months, I decided to find something to fill my day. Besides, with the wedding expenses piling up… Don’t worry; it’s only for three days a week. I’m not abandoning you!  … OK! Enjoy your shopping. Could you please pick up something for Yisroel Meir? He’s coming on Wednesday. … It was a last-minute decision. He decided that now that your father has passed away, I need help with the wedding preparations. He really wanted to come, so I gave in and agreed. … Fine. I’ll see you later. Have a great day!

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March 11, 2:34 pm

Lazerson, Yisroel Meir and Leeba

34 Sutton Road, Monsey, New York

Call from: Avraham cell

 

… Avremel! Vos machst du? … Yes, I spoke to him. … Leeba and I spoke about it at length. I’m going to Canada. … Why should it look suspicious? I’ll say that I’m going to help Mommy with the wedding preparations. … Uh oh, Sima’s clicking in; I better answer. … Thanks.

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March 11, 8:07 pm

Brandis, Tuvya and Yael

9 Bedford Court, Monsey, New York

Dialing: Lazerson, Yisroel Meir and Leeba

 

Hey Naomi! It’s Tirtza! What’s up? … Ha ha. Very funny. Why the grouchiness? … That’s nice. Your grandmother lives there, right? … What’s weird about someone visiting his mother? … Were you eavesdropping again? … Yeah, I totally understand. So your father really said that? It’s like straight out of a mystery novel! Let’s think. What secret, devious reason could your father have for going to Canada? … I know! He’s running away from someone! … Maybe from the United States government. … Isn’t he a mashgiach somewhere? Maybe something went wrong and he has to escape. … OK, chas v’shalom. I’m sorry for scaring you. … Maybe he’s just trying to get away from you guys for a bit. … Just really big and loud and fun. You know that I love coming to you. But I could see someone needing a vacation from all that hullaballoo. … I was JOKING! Boy, you’re really edgy. You know what? I’ll say a perek of Tehillim for him. What’s his Hebrew name? … Well, excuse me. I was only trying to help. [Slam!]

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March 11, 9:22 pm

Tessler, Chaim and Baila Raizel

20 Parker Road, Monsey, New York

Call from: Lazerson, Yisroel Meir and Leeba

 

… Reb Yisroel Meir! Shalom Aleichem! About that tosafos on daf mem-beis… Oh? For how long will you be away? … Is anything wrong? … Mazel Tov! So we’re talking about a few days, a few weeks? … OK. … No, no! It’s fine! In fact, Reb Yechiel Rosen just asked me the other day if we could learn together. I’ll work something out with him. … Much hatzlacha. Have a safe trip. … Kol tuv.

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March 12, 11:13 am

Fuerst, Pinchas and Zelda

3213 Avenue K, Brooklyn, New York

Dialing: Lazerson, Yisroel Meir and Leeba

 

Leeba, what’s this I hear? Yisroel Meir’s going to Toronto? … Ach, what do you take me for, a fool? Your mother-in-law   is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. … OK, so don’t tell me. I won’t say anything, even though the whole thing is outrageous. I mean, what am I supposed to tell Mrs. Rosenbaum when she asks me about it? She’s bound to know, because her nephew is your husband’s chavrusa’s brother’s cousin. But fine, don’t tell me. … So how long is he going for? What are you going to do for Shabbos? I’d invite you to come here, but you know how Tatty is with all the noise. … But that means he’s going to miss Shloimy’s son’s Bar Mitzvah! This is my first einekel’s Bar Mitzvah, and he simply must be there. I mean, what will people say?  … Leeba, what’s Yisroel Meir’s cell phone number? I’m calling him right now to knock some sense into his head. … Fine, go make supper. But this is not the end of this discussion.

* * * * *

March 12, 2:45 pm

Motti Blum beeper

Call from: Y.M. Lazerson cell

 

… Hello, you’ve reached Motti Blum’s beeper. If you’re calling about Yeshivas Bnei Dovid Annual Dinner, please leave a message after the beep. For anything else, you can reach me on my cell at (848) 259 – 9842. Beeeeep…

Hi, this is Yisroel Meir Lazerson. I need to speak to you urgently. I’m going to be out of town for the next few weeks, and will probably not be able to make it to the dinner. I’m truly sorry about the inconvenience. I can be reached on my cell phone. Kol Tuv, bye.

* * * * *

March 17, 9:26 pm

Samson, Reuven and Vicky

15 Martha Road, Monsey, New York

Call from: Brandis, Tuvya and Yael

 

… Hi Tirtza. How are you? … Baruch Hashem, terrific! … Sure, I could use a break. These history questions are impossible. … You know, homework for tonight. Weren’t you in class today? … I was wondering where those snores were coming from. Bad, bad girl. The lesson wasn’t that awful. … What earth- shattering contemplations kept you up last night? Japan’s nuclear issues? Global warming? Who to vote for in the next presidential elections? … Naomi? No, she seems fine. Boy, talk about switching topics! … That’s what you were up half the night thinking about? Why Naomi’s father went to Canada? Tirtza, if you lack things to lose sleep over, you go to sleep – not try to find other things to worry about. … Yeah, Parent of the Year or something at the Bnei Dovid Annual Dinner. Naomi’s been talking about it for ages. … They’re honoring somebody else? No way! Why? … I wonder why Naomi didn’t say anything about it. … Oh, come on! You’re reading into this way too much. There could be tons of reason why someone else is being honored instead of him. … Um… I can’t think of anything off the top of my head. But trust me. There’s a good reason. … Where did you hear that from? … Non-kosher meat? Trouble with the mafia? It sounds totally crazy. … Well, it makes sort of sense that he’s escaping to Canada. Maybe the United States Government can’t arrest him there or something. … Who do you plan on telling? … Isn’t that like lashon hara, big time? … What have you got against Naomi? She isn’t involved in any of this. … You think they eat treif and aren’t shomer Shabbos and everything? … OK, my mother is yelling at me to get off the phone. We’ll talk in school. Remember to do those history questions! … Good night, bye.

* * * * *

March 18, 10:53 am

Lazerson, Yisroel Meir and Leeba

34 Sutton Road, Monsey, New York

Call from: Public phone, Bais Shoshana

 

… Hello, you have reached the Lazersons. No one is available to take your call right now. Please leave a message and we’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Ding. … Ma, it’s Naomi. I really need to talk to you. I’m calling again. If you’re home and you hear this message, please pick up. Bye.

* * * * *

March 18, 10:54 am

Lazerson, Yisroel Meir and Leeba

34 Sutton Road, Monsey, New York

Call from: Public phone, Bais Shoshana

 

… Hello, you have reached the Lazersons. No one is available to take your call right now. Please leave a message and we’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Ding. … Ma, where are you? I need to speak to you. Maaaaaaaaa?

* * * * *

March 18, 10:55 am

Leeba Lazerson cell

Call from: Public phone, Bais Shoshana

 

… You’ve reached the voicemail box of Leeba Lazerson. At the tone, please record your message. When you’re finished recording, you may hang up. Or, press one for more options. To leave a call-back number, press five. Beep. … Ma! WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!

* * * * *

March 18, 10:56 am

Leeba Lazerson cell

Call from: Public phone, Bais Shoshana

 

…  You’ve reached the voicemail box of Leeba Lazerson. At the tone, please record your message. When you’re finished …

* * * * *

March 18, 10:58 am

Leeba Lazerson cell

Call from: Public phone, Bais Shoshana

 

… Hello? … Naomi, aren’t you in middle of class right now? … Naomi, please calm down. I can’t understand you when you’re crying like this. What’s going on? … I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to answer before. Now tell me, what’s wrong? … Your classmates? Tatty? United States Government? Naomi, what on earth are you talking about? … You know what, I’m coming to pick you up. Leibel has a doctor’s appointment now to check out his stitches, and the office is right down the block from your school.  … It’ll take me about five minutes. … Fine, I’ll call the office. … Bye. … What? … Tatty went to Canada to help Bubby get ready for Aunt Sima’s wedding. It doesn’t get any more complicated than that. I don’t know where your classmates are getting their wild ideas from, but they certainly aren’t based on reality. … We’ll talk in four minutes, OK? Goodbye.

* * * * *

March 19, 3:09 pm

Rosenbaum, Kalman and Kreindel Gittel

1165 59th Street, Brooklyn, New York

Dialing: Fuerst, Pinchas and Zelda

 

Zelda! It’s Kreindel Gittel. How are you? … Well, my knees are giving me some trouble again, but otherwise I’m fine. How are your zeese eineklach doing? … I actually called about something very important. Wasn’t that son- in-law of yours, you know, Leeba’s husband, supposed to be honored at Yeshivas Bnei Dovid Annual Dinner? I got the shock of my life when I saw the invitation in the mail today with someone else’s name written there. Did anyone tell them about the mistake? … What do you mean, it’s not a mistake? … He’s in Toronto? What kind of meshugas is this? He got stage fright so he ran away? That reminds me of my oldest daughter, Raizele, who ran off on the day of her first grade chumash play because she was scared to sing in front of all the mothers. Now she’s married with eight zeese kinderlach, kenaina hara, poo poo poo, and she’s the most confident woman you ever saw. But I guess some people never grow up. Hmpf. … No! You think there’s something they’re hiding? … Nu, come out with it! I can’t stand the suspense. … Divorced! Why do you think so? … Yoy, groise tzuros in Klal Yisroel. In my day, there was no such thing as divorce. Wait, wasn’t he the son-in-law that wasn’t at your einekel’s Bar Mitzvah the other day?  … Listen, you have to help them. Sometimes all they need is a little bit of guidance and they’re fine. I mean, their shalom bayis was good until now, no? … You’re right. You never really know what’s going on. Nebbach on Leeba, such an ehrliche, zeese girl… Absolutely. My lips are sealed.  … OK, I must go. Nor besuros tovos in gantz Klal Yisroel. Bye-bye.

* * * * *

March 20, 11:41 am

Sima cell

Call from: Mommy cell

 

Mommy! Where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you for the past two hours. Why wasn’t your cell-phone on? … What are you doing in the office today? You’re not supposed to work on Thursdays. … But we were supposed to go to the sheitel place today. I feel bad for your boss and all, but we can’t miss this appointment…. Three o’clock. … Fine, just please try to be on time. We really can’t afford to miss this appointment. … I dunno. I just feel that, well, you’re so out of things now that you started this working thing. It’s nice that you have a job and all, but couldn’t you start after the wedding? … Really?! That’s a great idea! You mean it? … Yes! … OK, I’ll see you then. By the way, are you feeling well? Your voice sounds a little funny. … Yeah, I know about those nasty colds that take forever to go away. Refuah Shelaima. … Anyway, yes. Two o’clock will be perfect. … See you then.

* * * * *

March 20, 7:51 pm

Newhouse, Meshulam and Bina Tova

14 Buckman Place, Monsey, New York

Call from: Sonenzon, Baruch and Pessy

 

… Hello, is Rabbi Newhouse in? … Thank you. … R’ Meshulam, how are you? It’s Baruch Sonenzon. … Baruch Hashem.  … I’m calling about a talmid in your class, Binyamin Lazerson. … His brother, Gedalya, is my student this year. … Is Binyamin being teased by the other boys about his, uh, family situation? … Yes, exactly. And how are you dealing with it? … So I see we’re in the same boat. Do you know exactly what the situation is? … You know Yisroel Meir Lazerson personally? … Well, I don’t know him, so I can’t tell you, but it doesn’t sound so good. … You’re right. But right now I’m calling about his son. My class is teasing him, bullying him, isolating him… What should I tell them? I don’t want to condone the things Mr. Lazerson is reputed to have done, but his son shouldn’t have to pay for his actions. … They’re really torturing him. I mean, Gedalya was never a violent kid, and all of a sudden he’s hitting and punching whenever someone even just mentions his father’s name.  … Do you think I should talk to his mother? … OK, let me know. Thank you very much for your time. … Good night.

* * * * *

March 21, 10:12 am

Lazerson, Yisroel Meir and Leeba

34 Sutton Road, Monsey, New York

Call from: Hellman, Mendy and Baila

 

… Hi Baila. … No, nothing much. Everything’s pretty quiet here, though Gedalya did put up quite a fuss about going to school this morning. By now, things have calmed down, and the baby just went to sleep. I was actually just thinking of calling Yisroel Meir now. … What do you mean? Why shouldn’t I call my husband? … Baila, what are you talking about?! … What exactly does the entire city know? … Baila, I am trying to take care of my children without Yisroel Meir’s help while running from one gown gemach to another to find gowns for my daughters for the wedding. I don’t have time to listen to all the latest news. You tell me what’s going on. … What?!? Baila, is this some kind of joke? Who thought up these ridiculous stories? … You called to ask me if I need help?  Baila, I didn’t need help until you called me! What am I supposed to do now? … No, I had no idea! I mean, the children were telling me… Oh my goodness, the children! Gedalya refused to tell me why he had that long scratch on his face, and he didn’t want to go to school today, and Naomi… I couldn’t make heads or tails of what she was telling me this afternoon. Baila, do you mean to say… … The poor kids! Do you think they believe this stuff about Yisroel Meir also? Oh, I don’t know what to think! … The biggest help you could do is stop these horrible rumors, but I don’t think that’s possible anymore. Oh, Baila, if you believed these stories, everybody will! … That’s sweet of you, but I have to go. I have to think. There must be a way to repair the damage. I’ll, I’ll speak to you later.

* * * * *

March 23, 12:39 pm

Wein, Shmully and Sari

51 Plum Road, Monsey, New York

Call from: Rosen, Yechiel and Kaila

 

… Ah, Reb Yechiel. Shalom Aleichem. How’s the family doing? … Good, good. Listen, about the elementary girl’s schools’ registration, I thought that maybe we could… An emergency? … Yisroel Meir Lazerson, of Glatt Meat Corp? Nice guy. What about him? … I’ve been out-of-town all week. What’s going on? … Whew, this sounds sticky! … He got in trouble with the government and escaped to Canada? His hechsher is questionable? This doesn’t sound like the Yisroel Meir I know. He’s straight as a razor. … Sure I know him. We went to elementary school together. I guess some things have changed since then. … You’re learning with his chavrusa? Interesting. So he said that Lazerson was very vague. Didn’t specify how long he’d be away for. Hmm. … Well, I’m going to have to verify what you told me, but you could go talk to Rabbi Dicker meanwhile about stopping his hashgacha on the meat until we make sure everything’s kosher down there.  … You go do that. Oh, and what about the family? … We’ll have to check into them to make sure everything’s kosher there too. Maybe I’ll send… They’re all in Toronto? A pity.  … Maybe they were tipped off and ran before we could chase them away. It would be nice if they stayed there forever. … OK, we’ll wait on that. But we could still put out feelers in the neighborhood, ask friends, that kind of thing. … Of course! We can’t have imposters intruding into our close-knit community and destroying everything we’ve built up here! … Fine. I’ll make those calls. Oh, and about the registration? … I need to talk to you about that, but it will have to wait. Report back to me in two hours. … Thanks. … Kol Tuv.

* * * * *

April 18, 5:28 pm

Hellman, Mendy and Baila

62 Hilltop Place, Monsey, New York

Dialing: L. Lazerson cell

 

… Leeba, I’m so glad to hear from you! How was the wedding, the Sheva Brachos? … So, when are you coming back? The sheva brachos are over and the children are missing school. … What do you mean, you’re not sure? … Those nasty rumors! Don’t worry; I’m sure the whole scandal will die down soon. But if you don’t come back soon, it will start to look suspicious. Not that I believe a word, but other people might. … Who shut down your husband’s company? … So fight it! Hire a good lawyer and sue them! … You’ll tell everyone that it was all a mistake… You’re right, it won’t work. So what are you going to do? … Yisroel Meir’s sitting shivah for his mother? Baruch Dayan Ha’emes… Why didn’t you tell me she was sick? I would have davened for her, taken on a machsom l’fi… … A secret? … She didn’t want to ruin her daughter’s simcha so she didn’t tell her?! But didn’t she have to go to the hospital? How did she hide it from everyone? … Is that why your husband went to Toronto? To help his mother and drive her to her ‘office’ for treatment! Wow. It must have taken unbelievable willpower to keep it a secret. … She made it through all of Sheva Brachos? … Unbelievable. I, I, I’m a little bit in shock.  … I wish you much hatzlacha in wherever you wind up. And… I’m sorry. … Hatzlacha with everything… Goodbye.